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Before I arrived to Stanford my freshman year, I had imagined the type of life I would have on campus. Movies about college made me think that hookups and one-night stands would be the norm.
I wasn’t totally wrong. Freshman orientation featured students telling us about their sexual experiences on campus, and throughout the year, resident assistants lined the hallways of our dorms with bowls of free hard candy and condoms. It all seemed to be part of a mission to help students make educated and safe decisions about sex. It also made me feel a little weird for not partaking.
The bowls in the halls, which gradually emptied out, were reminders that I was an odd one out. Whatever the truth was about the sex culture in college, it sure looked like everyone else was having a lot more fun than I was.
Of course, I’m not actually the only college student who doesn’t have sex. I spoke with several students who are choosing to be abstinent. They had a range of reasons for not having sex, including busy schedules, past experiences with sexual violence, and, yes, religion.
A few years ago, New York Magazine and SurveyMonkey polled more than 700 college students about their sex lives. Almost 40 percent of the survey respondents said they were virgins, and 41 percent of the women and 49 percent of the men considered themselves sexually inactive.
It doesn’t always feel that way. It can seem like the expectation is that we’re all doing it, maybe because people talk so openly about sexuality.
“It’s not like I feel pressured,” said Avery Jacobson, who attends Humboldt State University in Calif., about choosing whether to have sex. “It’s just kind of everywhere.”
For some students, like Catherine Pham, a sophomore at the University of California, Los Angeles, attempts to be open and inclusive about sexuality can miss the mark by failing to reflect the range of choices we can make with our bodies.
“Sex positivity is a scam,” Ms. Pham said. She said the movement tends to embrace people who are having sex, “whereas not being sexually active is considered not liberating.”
As for me, I’m now in my sophomore year and I’m still not having sex, the way I define it. At this point in my life, the act of exposing my body in any way makes me feel vulnerable. My anxiety often stops me from continuing intimate conversations that might lead to sex, and like many students, my schedule makes me feel like I don’t have the time to work through these issues, either.
I’m comfortable with my choice, but it’s still tough to see sex come so naturally to other people. I always want to ask how they do it. Obviously not how, but I want to know if they had to overcome the kind of barriers that are stopping me.
Maybe I’ll understand it one day, maybe I won’t. For now, I’m cool with spending my nights alone.
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Maya, a graduate student at Iowa State University, sent us a problem to figure out:
I’m living 2,000 miles away from home, haven’t found a community where I’m living, and the work I am currently doing is interesting, but not the work I came to school for. I recognize that when we are pursuing goals or dreams there are inevitable setbacks, obstacles, struggles. How do you differentiate between when the struggle is something to overcome or push through versus when it is a signal to stop or alter the path you are currently on?
We invited Nicole Phillip, live interactive news editor at The Times, to weigh in. Here’s what she said:
Even after spending most of my life in Orlando, when it came time for college I wasn’t ready to leave. I decided to go to college around the corner from my childhood home after getting accepted to schools around the country. After my freshman year, I transferred to New York University to see where my ambitions could take me.
Like you, I’m now miles away from everything I grew up with and unable to find the same community I once had. But humans are made to adapt and we are stronger than we often think.
For me, I learned to be alone and not lonely. I allowed myself to enjoy my own company when I didn’t always click with the people around me — going on solo movie dates, table-for-one dinners and even international trips.
I also know what it’s like to not be doing what you thought you’d be doing after graduating. After all, you’re supposed to go to school, get a degree, and find a job doing exactly what you wanted, right? That’s not how it always works.
When I graduated, I had temporary positions outside of what I thought I should be doing for about two years. I pushed through and kept making connections with people in my field until I finally landed my first fully production role that carried me through to where I am now.
It might help if you continue to remind yourself what you went there to do — why you left the comfort of your own backyard — and let that reminder bring you through this struggle.
It’s also worth acknowledging that no matter how hard we try, things may never take that positive turn we hoped for, and that’s just life. As long as Future You will be able to look back and know you were doing the best you could and trying to make smart decisions, I don’t think you’ll live in regret.
Navigating college and the years afterward can be tough, but we’re here to help! Maybe you’re wondering how to choose a major, or the best time to study abroad. Perhaps you’re out of school and figuring out how to budget. Send us an email at firstname.lastname@example.org with the subject line, “Figure It Out.”
Kevin Liao is a contributor to The Edit and a sophomore at Stanford University.B:
跑狗玄机图一字曰记录【大】【家】【好】！【我】【是】【渡】【边】【老】【贼】，【很】【欣】【慰】【成】【功】【和】【大】【家】【在】【卷】【尾】【见】【面】【了】，【不】【知】【道】【还】【有】【多】【少】【人】【在】【追】【这】【本】【书】【呢】？ 【【赤】【虎】【之】【巢】】【这】【一】【卷】【主】【要】【讲】【述】【的】【是】【盗】【梦】【使】【团】【一】【行】【人】【首】【次】【面】【对】【共】【情】【社】【五】【虎】【将】【的】【战】【斗】，【包】【含】【了】【仙】【侠】、【日】【本】、【剑】【道】【和】【极】【道】【四】【大】【元】【素】，【简】【单】【来】【说】【就】【是】【我】【玩】【完】【了】【如】【龙】0【的】【脑】【洞】。 【感】【情】【方】【面】【夏】【坤】【和】【三】【人】【的】【感】【情】【进】【展】【比】【较】【稳】【定】，【只】
【魂】【十】【联】【合】【芙】【蓉】【山】【要】【远】【征】【赤】【月】【的】【消】【息】【一】【传】【出】，【便】【引】【起】【了】【不】【小】【的】【轰】【动】。 【其】【中】【多】【数】【人】【不】【明】【白】，【你】【在】【比】【奇】【城】【可】【能】【没】【人】【敢】【动】【你】，【但】【若】【是】【前】【去】【白】【日】【门】【的】【话】，【仇】【家】【怕】【不】【是】【要】【心】【里】【乐】【开】【了】【花】。 【当】【然】【以】【目】【前】【魂】【十】【和】【芙】【蓉】【山】【的】【体】【量】【而】【言】，【去】【赤】【月】【进】【行】【历】【练】【也】【算】【是】【勉】【强】【够】【上】【资】【格】【了】。 【其】【实】【没】【年】【的】【赤】【月】【开】【放】【期】，【包】【括】【比】【奇】【盟】【重】【的】【多】【家】【势】
【百】【水】【水】【立】【刻】【伸】【出】【手】，“【阵】【法】—【格】【挡】。” 【格】【挡】【住】【了】【那】【个】【妖】【怪】【之】【后】，【百】【水】【水】【看】【到】【那】【个】【妖】【怪】【处】【于】【邪】【化】【的】【状】【态】，【它】【的】【身】【上】【散】【发】【着】【阴】【暗】【的】【气】【息】，【双】【眼】【通】【红】。 【这】【是】【一】【邪】【化】【后】【的】【狼】【妖】。 【青】【阑】【看】【到】【这】【个】【妖】【怪】【的】【时】【候】【不】【禁】【感】【慨】，“【它】【倒】【是】【挺】【帅】【气】。” 【百】【水】【水】【听】【到】【青】【阑】【的】【话】【后】【有】【些】【无】【语】，“【谁】【让】【你】【夸】【赞】【他】【了】？” “【阵】【法】—
【天】【边】【露】【出】【鱼】【肚】【白】，【第】【一】【缕】【朝】【阳】【拨】【开】【厚】【厚】【的】【云】【层】，【由】【远】【而】【近】，【刹】【那】【间】【来】【到】【人】【间】。 “【驾】。”【一】【声】【清】【脆】【的】【声】【音】，【随】【着】【打】【破】【晨】【间】【的】【安】【静】。 【作】【为】【今】【日】【第】【一】【匹】【进】【城】【的】【马】，【逐】【日】【撒】【丫】【子】【狂】【奔】，【跑】【得】【很】【欢】【快】。 “【庄】【主】，【先】【去】【万】【府】，【还】【是】【总】【司】？”【属】【下】【问】。 【宋】【是】【真】【拉】【住】【缰】【绳】，【在】【十】【字】【路】【口】【停】【了】【半】【响】。 “【万】【府】【的】【人】【都】【去】【青】跑狗玄机图一字曰记录【第】【五】【百】【零】【六】【章】 【科】【比】-【布】【莱】【恩】【特】【已】【经】【好】【久】【没】【有】【品】【尝】【过】【这】【种】【感】【觉】【了】，【他】【连】【出】【汗】【的】【速】【度】【都】【比】【平】【时】【快】【了】【一】【些】。【他】【出】【汗】【如】【浆】【时】，【就】【是】【他】【在】【球】【场】【上】【杀】【的】【最】【酣】【畅】【淋】【漓】【的】【时】【候】。 【查】【尔】【斯】-【巴】【克】【利】【道】：“【科】【比】-【布】【莱】【恩】【特】【在】【与】【命】【运】【抗】【争】。” 【此】【时】，【那】【个】【念】【头】【不】【仅】【仅】【出】【现】【在】，【查】【尔】【斯】-【巴】【克】【利】【和】【肯】【尼】-【史】【密】【斯】【的】【脑】【子】【里】。【几】【乎】【所】【有】
【华】【烨】【立】【即】【朝】【叶】【枫】【冲】【了】【过】【来】。 【叶】【枫】【甩】【了】【一】【下】【手】【里】【的】【王】【者】【之】【剑】，【将】【力】【量】【注】【入】【剑】【中】，【气】【势】【和】【力】【量】【都】【在】【瞬】【间】【得】【到】【了】【极】【大】【的】【提】【升】。 【不】【过】【华】【烨】【也】【不】【是】【一】【股】【脑】【就】【只】【会】【用】【蛮】【力】【战】【斗】【的】【人】，【他】【这】【种】【人】【很】【惜】【命】，【不】【过】，【也】【正】【是】【因】【为】【他】【很】【惜】【命】，【所】【有】【战】【斗】【时】【候】，【这】【货】【很】【小】【心】【谨】【慎】，【即】【便】【拥】【有】【着】【强】【大】【到】【无】【人】【能】【挡】【的】【力】【量】【也】【一】【样】。 【毕】【竟】【他】
【粟】【裕】【刚】【刚】【进】【门】，【就】【带】【着】【小】【朋】【友】【乖】【巧】【的】【和】【苏】【陌】【爸】【爸】【妈】【妈】【问】【了】【句】【好】。 【粟】【裕】【直】【接】【忽】【略】【掉】【季】【爷】【爷】，【在】【苏】【墨】【爸】【爸】【妈】【妈】【后】【面】【挤】【眉】【弄】【眼】【的】【表】【情】。【禁】【止】【奔】【向】【书】【房】。【看】【看】【苏】【沫】【是】【什】【么】【表】【情】，【有】【没】【有】【特】【别】【生】【气】？ 【书】【房】【的】【门】【被】【推】【开】，【苏】【墨】【刷】【的】【手】【机】【瞬】【间】【被】【自】【己】【到】【桌】【子】【底】【下】。【手】【机】【画】【出】【了】【完】【美】【的】【一】【道】【弧】【线】，【然】【后】【滚】【了】【两】【圈】，【滚】【在】【了】【粟】【裕】【脚】【下】
【崇】【祯】【在】【玩】【微】【服】【私】【访】【的】【游】【戏】。 【温】【体】【仁】【等】【一】【班】【大】【臣】【们】【在】【干】【嘛】？ 【那】【天】…… 【温】【体】【仁】【等】【人】【酒】【醒】【后】，【隐】【隐】【约】【约】【回】【忆】【起】【了】【他】【们】【干】【的】【丢】【脸】【事】【儿】，【整】【个】【人】【都】【不】【好】【了】，【还】【有】【比】【这】【个】【更】【糟】【心】【的】【事】【儿】【吗】？ 【有】! 【皇】【帝】【陛】【下】【逃】【了】! 【等】【到】【温】【体】【仁】【等】【大】【臣】【发】【现】【崇】【祯】【逃】【了】【的】【时】【候】，【已】【经】【过】【去】【一】【天】【一】【夜】【了】，【崇】【祯】【早】【就】【跑】【远】【了】。 【这】【天】